Dear Deidre

[Dryland]

Dear Deidre,
                    A couple of weeks ago the love of my life finally left me. We met nearly two years ago when I instantly fell
for her .Her looks, her long slender body,  the way that she used to sing to me after I had turned her on and the way she felt so good in my hands that I constantly wanted to touch her. We hardly left each others side and we were faithful to each other all the
way through our short relationship.Nothing was to much for her in my eyes. when It rained I bought her a new coat to keep her dry,I took her to many places that she had never been before.
                                                      Then all of a sudden things started to change for the worse, It seemed like she wasn't listening to me anymore and she started to put on a bit of weight. That was when I  was attracted to another and so I let my first love go. Things started off fine with my new love, I was enthralled by the way she looked, but up until our first date she had remained silent. I
decided to have my wicked way with her and drove her down a lane. We got out of the car and into the nearest meadow, by now my urges were reaching boiling point and as I turned her on I expected to hear squeals of passion, But NO, The noises she made
resembled those of a duck being strangled, while being mounted by an Ostrich that had escaped from the nearest wildlife park, because someone had left the gate open. I thought" Oh my God "  I 've lost my touch, so I had another little twiddle , but no she still came out with those hideous Quacks of passion.
                                                                            My question is, should I stay with this evil temptress and hope that I get used to her voice or should I return to my first love ? Is it just a question of the grass being greener on the other side ?
                                                                                My first love was slightly older and heavier, her name was Minelab Explorer but
I called her Minnie for short. My new love is called Teknetics T2, but I call her a "NOISY BI*CH " for short.
                                                                        Yours Sincerely
                                                                               Man with no name

[b.buoy]

Dear " Man With No Name"
It is always the male prerogative to "chase the newer love" I myself have made similar moves in the past. The excitement of the chase and the anticipation of the conquest to come, rules out common sense and keeps the pulses racing in anticipation.
Unfortunately, male totesterone isn't the greatest judge of character and you blokes can be easily "led up the path" by a shapely figure or an alluring voice or the ease in which the new potential can be switched on.
However, a note of caution. Switching on is only a part of it because such prospects can be "switched off" just as easily and you may be left with a lighter bank balance and still not get the fulfilment you expected.
My best advice to you would be to try and do the balancing act and keep both participants if you can. This procedure usually brings a heavy drain on the purse strings but has the advantage of the "best of both worlds syndrome.
Make sure that both parties are always kept separated because one may well interfere with the other.
I wish you well with your conquest.
Diedre

[grego]

Very good

[dances with badgers]

play the field bud play the field

[Dale]

  A good read Dylan I enjoyed that, I was wondering how you've been getting on with the T2, iv been thinking about the Deus but its that learning curve again what's put me off 

[outlaw]

Deus will wipe the floor LOL

Get out there and buy one 

[Dale]

Wipe the floor with what machine, the T2 and Minelab Explorer?

[Enneagon]

Dear Man w/nn,

as my old nan used to say,

"De new broom sweep clean but de old broom know de corners."

a friend.

[Dryland]

Alas , my first love is no more and has gone on to pastures new. My new mistress is easier to live with, she is a  a bit more "SIMPLE " and is easier to "TURN ON", It's just that the day she was "DEFLOWERED" her voice went through me, and although she has gone out and earned me a few coins, I'm still not convinced that she is any better than my first love.Also when the weather is on the wet side, "THE NOISY BI*CH has been known to scream at me " OVERLOAD" until I wipe her bottom and then she is fine, although this has only happened once so far I'm worried that it could happen again.
                                                             Yours Sincerely
                                                                Man with no Name

[Chef Geoff]

Well you didn't like the the best settings on the XS as they were too noisy so you changed to ferrous and that was to noisy now you have a T2 and that's to noisy.....how about knitting?  

[Val Beechey]

Dear Man With No Name,  I would suggest a Summer break from your problems.  I could recommend a Safari. It comes complete with musical tones to sooth the shattered nerves but, once again, your wallet needs to be well packed.

 Diedre

[Dryland]

Dear Deidre,
                   Is there a dating agency out there for men and Knitting , or a website for such things ? I did like the way "minnie" used to sing to mein ferrous, it was only the fact of her weight that put me off her [ I'm sorry if I sound FATIST ] .I think I'll give this hussy that i've got now a chance, but if her voice continues to annoy me and if she does not tickle my fancy any better than "Minnie", then it's off withhead. { or off to e.bay }.
                                          Val when you say that you could recommend a  safari, do you mean with the lions at the end of your garden  ?

[Val Beechey]

Hey Dylan,  I didn't think of that.  Now there's an idea.  Hush my Baby and don't you cry now, 
                                                                                       The lion sleeps tonight.

Which, of course they don't.  We could open up our field to campers for Safari Hols  complete with sound effects. 

Detectors welcome to specially seeded field.  Always a silver lining to every cloud.

Val

[Dryland]

  10% of the takings  must now go to me

[HAMMERRHOID]

Dear Man With No Name
                                       My advice to you is to leave both of them and join the Home Guard
                                                     
                                               Yours Captain Mainwaring