Detecting session from Hell

[Acoustic]

This was a post on DS but as I thought you guys were way too happy on DW I thought I would also post this miserable detecting session on here as well.

I thought given there was so much good cheer about and an abundance of decent finds and happy smiley posts I thought I would add my own detecting post just to bring some dark normality to the forum.

Yesterday, It was just another day...........dark, sullen grey, scudding clouds and I would like to say thousands of copper colored leaves whizzing by, but I can not add that as they were blown to the sodden reaches of my garden ages ago, now piled up in soggy heaps, so we will end with a forest of bare branches waving there forlorn limbs as if praying for a tiny glimpse of sunlight.

That's it mood set...cue detecting session.  I receive a text from Grant Earth calling Robin come in Robin because I had missed this previous text got a hammie in the (insert location)
WOW I thought (picture of Grant doing hammie dance in blazing sunshine with hoola hoola girls feeding him  Bacardi's in tall ice steamed glasses) before spa massage by imported Swedish blond bird (with big boobs hands) in the middle of the farmers field which had specially been sanitized of all cow poo for this auspicious occasion.

So after a confirmation phone call with Grant I was all set for a very short detecting session when EJ finished work at 1600, that gave me under an hour before darkness. Little did I know my hour of darkness was going to arrive much earlier for me.
Anyhoo at 1600 off I set towards the farm which had become a familiar friend to me over the past 14 years,   (please remove picture of smiley Robin in immaculate black car with future hammered look plastered on face) and replace with (idiot on a blind date with trouble)

Insert brrrrrm  brrrrrmmmmmmmm  brrrrmmm car noises for journey..   I am heading along the farmyard track, car now has a coating of green poo warmed by the hot exhaust mmmmmm, light is fading and just as I slowed to do a three point turn, a stupid brown object bounds straight at the car, yep a deer, no problem a wee dab of brake slight change in direction to Starboard and....... OH S..t   OH Bo...ks OH f f sake, the slow moving poo covered car despite all the bells and whistles hit another pile of mud and manure and slid slowly and gracefully downhill into the woods.

I will leave this space so you can insert your own viewpoint of my next conversational piece ....................................................................

Now I know Grant shoots on this land and I am now seriously thinking of getting a gun, a big one, because if I had a gun at that moment I would have shot the dear all the cow pats and the car followed by myself.

It is now getting dark the car is parked in a remote muddy woodland, thankfully I stopped it before a tree however I can only reverse UPHILL...Word of warning to anybody thinking of getting a sports car with low profile tarmac hugging tyres, don't, buy a tractor instead or a dirt bike or better still car share.
 
After several insane moments of singing scout camping songs whilst hacking branches down with my spade looking over my shoulder into the gloom of the woodland keeping a watching brief for the armies of the living dead advancing on me followed by frantic digging of slots through the undergrowth for the tyres and then full engine revs and gradually and slowly the poo mud covered mess of a car emerged into the gathering darkness.
It was now dark, me and the car covered in rubbish, the 38 year famine of no hammered's continues, Ah well time to go home with another typical detecting session under the belt.
Good job well done I say.     Nottttttttttttttttttt.

Enjoy, you happy happy lot.

Aye
Robin 

[Chef Geoff]

Brilliant Robin, well not the car bit, well yes the car bit but.......Oh you know what I mean. Still laughing at your last story

[Napoleon]

  hummm wondering if the deer is available to make a civet , nice story but not so nice at the time but a good read.Nap

[Mike]

could have been a very deer day out there mate 

[Val Beechey]

Sorry you didn't suceed in making me feel miserable. I had to laugh.
Been there, done that, minus the Red Deer. Another word of warning. Don't ever try to drive a Fiat Active out of the mud on your own or over beach pebbles. It just wasn't designed for anything other than the M.1.

Great read.

Val